“That could’ve been me, imagine if I never stopped making videos in 2016.”

“If I didn’t get injured, I would have won that championship, I lost a lot of progress that year.”

“If only I got better marks at university I would’ve been making 6 figures now.”

When did the story end? What if the story is just beginning.

For so long I feared being the villain in someone else’s story. I was frozen by my fear of what others thought of me. Living to please and appease the characters in my life with zero recognition for my own self and desires. Worried sick that I may hurt this person or that person by truly speaking my mind. Sugar coating the simplest of statements or requests to cushion its blow when it lands on another person’s ear. I was too afraid of being disliked.

Slowly I destroyed that, as the pain of stagnation overpowered my fear of change. The crumbling weight of inauthenticity crashing down on my fake façade. Speaking my mind caused irreversible damage to how people viewed me. Quiet conflict avoidance was no longer my default mode. Then it clicked, this whole time, the university saga, the videos, the content creation, the sporting achievements, how much of it did I do for me? And how much of it did I do for others. What a waste of my youth, do I be grateful I woke up from my slumber early enough, or do I mourn how late it took me to notice my setbacks.

The pain of losing a chunk of your youth and potential in a quest to prove others right or wrong. Endless hours wasted on mundane activities providing zero physical and mental growth, all while the commodity of time was at my fingertips slipping away. When money and bills were not commonplace issues, commitments were limited, and dreams were endless.

Rather than never knowing the intricacies of these thoughts I am grateful I know them now. Although to finally come the conclusion that the purpose of life is the quest to find yourself, I am enamoured by the endless possibilities in front of me.

The truth is that the only time I have truly experienced contentment and peace, or purpose, was in the pursuit of challenging physical endeavours and combat sports. Not so much the violence of it, but mainly its raw human spirit. To treat your body as a temple and your mind as a sponge of knowledge. Consistently improving your techniques and pushing the limits of your capabilities to new heights, year after year. After almost a full year of struggle with injuries and surgery, I can finally see the horizons of return to my former self. As I take my rehab more seriously and learn to respect my human limits as I age, I will never take my health for granted ever again.

Work is not the worst thing in the world, it is soul crushing sitting behind a screen till 5pm. But at least for now, it helps pay for the essentials needed and removes the burden of financial stress off my shoulders. Hopefully one day I can turn one of my passions or hobbies into a livelihood, but until then I will keep playing the game of life, one day at a time. Because at the end of the day, it is the end of the day.

All the Best

H