You are what you repeatedly do. Most of us create our future from our past, past mistakes, past failures, past doubts, and past traumas. And it makes sense. Often your mind tricks you into succumbing to familiarity, it is the twisted reality of most human experiences. Being used to toxicity and abuse can gear you into shaping your future with your past. Essentially it is all you know, and it can be difficult to let go of your old self, of long-term goals, values, choices, experiences and jump into the unknown and start fresh. It is scary, but I can assure it will work out.

You want to create your future with your future, not your past. Pain that you have felt before the current version of yourself does not have to be carried forward with you onto the latter stages of your life. We all struggle and have our own battles, we develop behaviours and coping mechanisms because of our childhood and our past experiences. I am telling you now, every individual has the power to shape their destiny through their present and future actions.

Sadly, I have seen it many times before my eyes, people becoming what they feared or attracting what they so eagerly want to avoid. You may not feel it but out of insecurity, or fear, or due to trust issues, or any circumstance in our life, we may find ourselves slowly tiptoeing into the darkness that is familiarity. One small example is affection. It does not make sense to an outside why someone seeking closeness pushes others away. Why would someone crave affection yet run from it? The answer lies in this person’s childhood and past pains.

Another great example is trust issues. Many people who have been betrayed or been exposed to betrayal at a young age may suffer from an inability to truly let their guard down. They may be constantly on edge or have some form of anticipatory anxiety. They may think something is going good for them so something bad is bound to happen. Unfortunately, this stems from a fear of loss or abandonment, or they could just worry more than usual. Trust is a different beast in every facet of life. It makes or breaks relationships socially and professionally.

People like this are not bad people, and majority of the time their trust issues are not their fault, heck I have issues with trust occasionally too. But the dilemma accentuates itself when the person with trust issues is in a relationship and things are going well and they’re used to toxicity and betrayal. It can be extremely difficult for the secure partner to understand these anxious behaviours, so patience is key. And on the other hand, the curiosity and chaos in the insecure partners mind can lead them to do things to soothe their anxiety but in turn damage the relationship unintentionally. Behaviours that are exhibited are constantly seeking reassurance or answers which can create an unhealthy dynamic that needs fixing.

So where am I going with this? Create your future with your future, and here is how you do it.

Have a Vision

What is your ideal life? And before you dream about possessions and places, dig deeper and see who you truly want to be. Not what but who. Decipher what the final and successful version of yourself will look like if you set distractions aside and let the past stay behind you and moved forward with a clear conscience. Emphasize your future when you embark on this self-discovery, you are not your past, you are what is yet to come. So it is important we forgive ourselves and give our future selves a chance. Aim high and dream big, because as they say if you aim for the stars, you might land on the moon.

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short, but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark.”

– Michelangelo

Set SMART goals

Break down your vision into actionable steps by setting SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Define the specific actions you need to take to move closer to your desired future. Set deadlines for achieving each goal to keep yourself accountable and on track.

Take Consistent Action

Growth is a continuous process but remember that whether you decide to act or not the time will pass anyway. Implement a plan of action, set small and large goals, and create and refine as much as possible. Commit to daily, weekly, and monthly actions that get you closer to who you want to be and align with your vision. The key isn’t to try and make swooping large changes to your life, but to focus on the little actionable things that slowly bump you forward. This is a marathon, not a sprint my friend.

Even the swiftest of sprinters must learn the endurance of a marathoner to conquer the long road ahead.”

– Unknown

Reflect and Adjust

You may be accustomed to shutting off and not talking about your feelings. If you have a troubled past it is normal to find safety in solitude, but this lonely peace is dangerous. Not everyone has bad intentions, be open to feedback and new insights along your journey. Remember that setbacks are normal and are lessons, do not let failure discourage you. Better to venture into the unknown and risk failure, than to linger in the shadows of regret, wondering what could have been.

The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.”

– Henry Ford

A question I often ponder is, what are we without our pain? Wisdom is just healed pain. Reality is you are slowly being moulded into who you are meant to be. Please do not fall victim to your past, leave it where it belongs, that is behind you. Look forward with exhilarated widened eyes, let the excitement of your future ignite a fire within you. Let the thought of your success cause uncontainable motivation so that the excitement radiates from you like a beacon. Life is not over, it is yet to begin, let your vision breed adventure, and let your history restart today.

All the Best

H