Trust is a concept not foreign to anyone, it does not require labelling or wording, it exists in every interaction and environment. But how do we measure trust? And does everyone trust the same? Is your satisfaction and trustworthiness built on the same general foundations that are agreed upon by societal constructs? Or do you yearn for a deeper version of it?

The idea of trust fascinates me, you cannot touch it or see it, just like love it is an abstract concept. Trust can manifest in various ways through actions and words of those around you. And your expressions of trust are evident too.

If trust was an object, it would be a beautiful stone, with no imperfections. It would shine and sparkle when exposed to light, and its smooth texture would feel great to touch. But then life happens, betrayals, broken promises, trauma, and your own personal issues all come together. They chip away at this beautiful stone, causing cracks and crevices. Some repairable and some disallowing the stone from staying resilient. And my trust stone is different from yours and your stone is different from that of your parents and others too.

Its very hard when our ability to trust becomes so fragile over time. We look back over the years and try to decipher root causes and our own human experience that has caused us to be so cautious. Couple that with our own personality flaws and the unhealthy layers of protection we wrapped our self in. Healing takes time and sometimes you continue healing from your past slowly even as you enjoy your present. But let me turn the tables on you for a second.

What do you do when faced with a scenario, someone you love deeply who shares the same issues you do. One of the toughest dilemmas you will face is when someone you love enters your life, shares with you so many memories, only for you to realise that they too come with scars that need healing. They too have their guard up and don’t trust easily just like yourself. It can feel insulting, because deep down you know that you have suffered with trust issues and dealt with life’s many lows. But how do you prove this externally, you cannot scream and shout at someone you love. It is a bittersweet predicament to see your trust issues mirrored to you in another individual. But like I always say, it is a lesson.

Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.

– Stephen Covey

You so badly want this person to believe you, to trust you, to let their guard down. And here we learn through the wisdom of living, one of life’s little riddles. The treat others how you like to be treated paradox. You love this person so much, you want to unlock the layers of their trust stone so badly, to understand them, to connect with them. Then you too must lower your guard and let them in also. And I have come to realize that, you cannot heal wholistically on your own. That last phase of healing is when you let someone else in and let them seal the healing process once and for all.

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.

– Ernest Hemingway

People misconstrue healing as a strictly romantical connotation. Healing is not purely the detachment from relationships and love. Healing is self-love, healing is how I entered so many rooms and shook so many hands while looking for a job, only to be met with rejection. And telling myself that rejection is redirection. Healing is constantly struggling with loneliness and spirituality yet seeing the glimmer of light between the pain as a lesson worth learning. Healing is spending your whole academic life in hopes of proving everyone wrong, only to realise in the end that no one was watching. Healing is struggling financially at times and knowing the lessons these calamities teach you, only to conclude that when your pocket was full, money never truly brought you happiness.

Some days I stare out of the window at work, feeling like life is meaningless. I ponder where these thoughts come from, why am I here? One time I watched this podcast and heard a quote by David Goggins where he said, “The purpose is you”. Is the purpose me? Were all those ups and downs lessons or was that just me exploring who I am. It is a funny thought, but I like to think of myself as a video game character leveling up sometimes. It’s weird but it keeps me sane, because there is always hope of leveling up and getting better. Who knows if between the lines of my suffering there a lesson at the end of it was, life has its way of laughing at you also. I have been in many predicaments that I could’ve avoided with better communication or smarter decisions. I guess the purpose is me, and now that purpose carries with me the ones close to me and the people I love. We will see what the future unfolds, remember to let your guard down and let them in, if you want to be let in. I will leave you with this quote on trust that always stuck with me.

He who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

– Lao Tzu

Until next time my friends.

All the Best

H