You probably read the title and instantly thought “huh”? Well let me explain. If you’re not a psychopath, you have some form of guilt response when you feel you’ve done something wrong. That is good and healthy especially when engaging in social endeavours and family. However, when it comes to careers and business, impulsively apologising can sometimes work against you. I am not saying forget the word sorry, I just want to shift your perspective a little.

In most cases a sorry is normal, it is appropriate and eases the weight on our shoulders when something occurs. That could be bumping into someone accidentally, cutting someone off when they’re talking or just to get someone’s attention. But in other more nuanced cases, a sorry can come off too quick unnecessarily when it can easily be replaced by other expressions. Sometimes people can overly apologise, have you ever seen a situation like that? It isn’t as uncommon as you think. And being overly apologetic comes from low self-esteem. I have witnessed it firsthand ever since my first job as a teen. You deal with a customer or a worker who just nonstop apologises to the point it comes off tacky.

Replace a “sorry” or “my bad” with expressions from a more positive tonality. Make this a habit and over time your conversations will develop a more rewarding pattern. For example, instead of saying “sorry for being late”, tell the individual or group “thank you for waiting”. Instead of telling your boss or coach “I can’t believe I made this mistake” tell them “Thank you for your guidance, that was helpful”. This way you do not put yourself on the back foot, and subconsciously you have made a paradigm shift. Rather than over emphasising your weaknesses in situations, you are relaying that the opposite person possesses strengths. Such a small change from the negativity of apologies and your weaknesses to the positivity of positive expressions and other people’s strengths.

Believe me, make this a habit and it will elevate your relationships, friendships, and all social and business endeavours. It will empower you to speak with confidence, and not apologise when it isn’t necessary. Be respectful but be firm in what you want. Do not apologise if you don’t like something you heard, or for setting boundaries. Do not apologise for being yourself, or for your passions. To get to that level where you know yourself and how you operate in social bubbles, you must start with the little things. And that could be something as small as an expression, reshape what you say to others, and it will inevitably reshape what you say to yourself. Negative self-talk is one of the most inhibiting factors to your growth, make it positive, and you will excel. Start small, think big.

All the best

H

1% better every day

Houssam S